Do you know what’s funny? Offensive jokes. Short jokes but all are adult jokes which are so dark that you will be sucked into like a black hole. Yes, I’m talking about the really offensive jokes which are the funny jokes, of course, but they are definitely the reasons why you can’t go to heaven.
Among the adult jokes a.k.a the most awfully funny offensive jokes, the black jokes or racist jokes are the most told (and laughed at). However, don’t take them too seriously. It’s dark, and just for laugh, not for mocking or bring other people or races down. Don’t you agree?
So, here are the incredibly funny and offensive jokes we have picked for you.
WARNING: This article is not for the pure hearted and you’ll be going to hell for these.
READ MORE: New Funny Jokes: Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever
Adult jokes updated in 2017: Best offensive jokes ever
1. What’s better than winning a silver medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.
2. What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
3. My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.
4. Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5. What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
6. How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
7. So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
8. What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
9. How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
10. How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
11. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
12. How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
13. What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
14. Girls are like blackjack… I’m trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
15. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can’t do stand up.
16. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
17. What’s the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.
18. One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life
19. What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
20. What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
21. What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a Downey Jr. inside of them.
22. What’s the most difficult about being a pediatric surgeon? Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
23. What’s the difference between the Holocaust and a cow? You can’t milk a cow for 75 years.
24. As I was eating this girl out I thought I tasted some horse semen… I exclaimed “oh Grandma! That’s how you died!”.
25. What’s the difference between a Mexican and Jesus Christ? Jesus doesn’t have a tattoo of a Mexican.
26. What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult.
27. My last girlfriend called me a pedophile. Pretty big word for a 12-year-old.
28. I like my women how I like my coffee…. ….ground up and in the freezer. I like my women how I like my scotch…. ….twelve years old and mixed up with coke.
29. A smoking hot girl walks into a bar. A guy at the bar says, “Wow, you’re gonna get laid tonight!” She replies, “Hehe, how do you know?” And he replies, “Because I’m stronger than you”.
30. Q: What’s al Qaeda’s favorite football team? A: The New York Jets.
31. I was masturbating to a National Geographic magazine the other day, and I don’t know who was more embarrassed, me or my dentist.
32. If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape… or shoplifting?
33. Q: How can you tell when your sister is on her period? A: Your dad’s dick tastes funny.
34. I recently took up speed dating, Or, as some people call it, rape.
35. What’s the difference between a white dead baby, and a black dead baby? A: About 10 minutes in the microwave.
36. What’s the difference between a thousand dead babies and a Ferrari? i don’t have a Ferrari in my garage…
37. Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, the beer should be open when SHE brings it!
38. Q: Did you hear how Michael Jackson was found dead? A: He got food poisoning from an 11 year old wiener.
39. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? All the ones who can run, jump, or swim have already crossed the border.
40. Q: What’s green and red, green and red, green and red? A: A frog in a blender.
Funny offensive black jokes
41. Most black 15 years old in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It’s their kids who cause all the trouble.
42. A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
43. I don’t understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he’s black and all, but I doubt he’ll shoot anyone.
44. What’s a word that white people can call white people, but black people can’t call black people? Dad.
45. What do you call a dead black man? A safer neighbourhood.
46. What do you call a black guy flying an aero plane? The pilot, you racist fuck.
47. Why do black people smell so bad? So blind people can hate them, too.
48. A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says “Show me it’s true what they say about black men”. So he stabs her & nicks her purse.
49. Why do black people only have nightmares? The last one who had a dream got shot.
50. I’m not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
51. What’s the difference between a black guy and a bicycle? A bike doesn’t try and sing when you put chains on it.
52. A black man, an Arab man, and an Asian man walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get the fuck out!”
53. What’s the difference between a white dead baby, and a black dead baby? A: About 10 minutes in the microwave.
54. Q: Why don’t black people take cruises? A: They fell for that trick once already!
55. Q: What does a black kid get for Christmas? A: Your bike.
56. Q: How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? A: Give them a basketball.
57. Why is aspirin white instead of black? You want it to work right?
58. What’s the difference between a a black man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
59. What do you call a black man with no hands? Trustworthy.
60. A Mexican and a black man sit in a car, who is driving? The cop.
61. What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit.
62. I hate how politically correct we have to be nowadays! You can’t even say “black paint” anymore!
63. Why does Beyoncé always sing “to the left, to the left”? Because black people don’t have rights.
64. The only thing more suspicious than a black man running is a black man tiptoeing.
65. What’s the difference between a black and a white fairytale? White begins, “once upon a time,” black begins, “y’all motherfuckers ain’t gonna believe dis shit!”
66. How do you stop a nigger from drowning? Take your foot off the back of his head.
67. What does Pontiac stand for? Poor Old Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac!
68. Why do black people have white hands? They were up against the wall when God spray painted them!
69. I like black people…I used to have some black friends ’till my dad sold them!
70. Why do white folks go to nigger garage sales? To get their stuff back.